So a few months ago I was focused, driven, I had goals in mind, within reach! And some how I lost focus of everything I was working toward. I’m incredibly disappointed in myself. For a long time I was in a seclusion. I talked to 2 people and things were amazing. I was happy! So here we are again. Seclusion it is! I have to get back on my path. I have to find that place of happiness that I crave. I need that zen!
I have no idea what I’m doing with my life and I fuckin love it! For the first time in my life I’m going with the flow, not over thinking the decisions I make and i like it. As of tomorrow I work my way back to my gym routine and my life of zen! I will find an inner calm than I long for!
So, I’ve never addressed this issue with myself. Today feels like a good day do to it.
Religion is bullshit! You want me to buy that some random, mysterious. myth is in the sky looking down on us as we move through life…Really? Okay, we yesterday when I spilled my large Sonic strawberry limade all over the floor of my car…god did that? No!
If he’s so great and good, why is there pain and heartache? Oh, because it makes you stronger. Well I’m strong enough, thank you! I have no desire to move a mack fuckin truck and that’s we’re I’m headed! Don’t praise jesus, no amen! Believe what you like but I’m over it! I believe in myself, my strength, my power.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my life. Where I’m headed and what I want my future to look like. Yet I’ve come to the decision that I can’t. I can’t try to figure out my future when it’s not guaranteed. Life is one day at a time. Living each moment to it’s fullest. So from this moment on, that’s what shall happen. I will live my life for the “today”. I’m proud of where I am in life. I’ve worked very hard to get where I am. Now is about refining what I’ve become!
I’m amazed by people. I think I’m a good person, successuful, driven yet…you pick the useless bitch?? I’ve worked my entire life to be proud, happy, to make something of myself. Yet, you don’t want me because I’m to good. Interesting
I’ve never been one to be overly emotional. I cry for the right reasons…death, cause I’m hurt, or every now and then if I’m so pissed off I cant handle it. But last night well last night was different. I literally broke down into tears for no reason. I always but up this front that I’m so strong, so driven, so determined. And well I am all of those things, but I’m also human. I break, I’m not proud of it. I have weak moments.
People really go piss me off. You go through life doing fucked up shit. Lying, cheating, stealing and then allll of a sudden you believe in god and that all goes out the fuckin door. You love Jesus and your a Christian woman. You don’t just change over might!!! The fuck is wrong with people???