I posted a while back about a man I thought I wanted, on some level I still do and I’m sure I always will. Its just I realized that I want real love. Love that hurts when you’re apart. Love that comes with no questions, love that isn’t temporary, it lasts a lifetime.
People think I have it all together. They see the car, the apartment, they see the smile, they hear the laugh but what they don’t see is the sadness. They don’t see the tears, the lonely, the simple sadness and pain. I would like just one person to ask me if I’m okay
Its been over a year since my heart was broken by the man I loved. Some days I feel pathetic for feeling bad about it. For feeling lonely but then there are other days that I couldn’t be happier with my life. Today is one of those miserable days. They says it it takes half of the time you were with some one to move on from them. Does that mean I’m doomed for 3 and a half years????? I can’t. I need something new. I need a new a new everything. A new outlook, a new… that’s the goal
I would like to say that I have gotten my life back on track, but I know for a fact that I have fallen off the track and been run over by the fucking train. I have literally fallen back into all of my old ways. Fast food, soda, skipping the gym. Everything I swore I wouldn’t go back to. I thought I was ready, it’s clear that I’m not. I have to focus on all the goal I had in mind.
The trouble with is, well it makes you an idiot. It makes you believe things that you know it’s true. Its makes you do stupid things and you can’t fight it. It hurts, it breaks you, it’s incredible, it’s scary. And one day it hits every single person like a bus
For the past 8 years I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I love him, I really do. I’m never happier than when I’m with him. Its when he turns and walks away that I want to jump off a cliff. I look at him and see everything I want. His build, his eyes, his attitude, his smile, everything, but I can’t have him. I love him with my entire heart! He’s just not mine, except on those random nights when he’s in my bed, holding me when I can pretend that I have everything. The job I want, the apartment I love and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. For one night I get to sleep in his arms, kiss his lips and feel him hug me so tight I think he may crush my spine. Why do I love his man? Why do I let myself care for someone as much as I do?